


My Grudge Blues

by WoahHopeSaver



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Berlin is alive, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fix-It, Helisinki is not second best, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Martin is sassy, Not Happy Ending?, Other, Post-Season/Series 03, References to Drugs, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Unresolved Romantic Tension, andres is an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26672752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoahHopeSaver/pseuds/WoahHopeSaver
Summary: “It’s About One Of My Guys. He Was Kidnapped. I Need Your Plan To Get Him Out. I Wouldn’t Be Asking If I Wasn’t Desperate.”Martin is now faced with a situation. The Professor asked him to use his plan to get Rio back from Alicia. His plan to melt gold with Andres.Andres...A now-deceased person. The person who haunts his life even after death.A person who should stay died... Is pretty much alive. How?
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote, Bogotá/Nairobi | Ágata Jiménez, Denver | Daniel Ramos/Mónica Gaztambide, Helsinki | Mirko Dragic/Palermo | Martín Berrote, Raquel Murillo/Professor | Sergio Marquina
Comments: 7
Kudos: 42





	1. 4:00A.M

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my first fanfic in the Money Heist fandom.  
> I know this type of fanfic is already written but I want to change it up a bit.  
> I don't remember the author's name who inspired me to do this.  
> If I find the author's name, I would add them. Please don't give me hate.  
> The title of this fanfic is a song. "Urami Bushi" or " My Grudge Blues" by Mekio Kaji.  
> Also, the chapters' titles would be songs titles.

_I open my eyes, before the break of dawn. The darkness steals my breath._

_The silence entraps me. I can't find the words to say._

_Lord, give me one more chance_

_This might be the end_

-+-

Cold.

That was the first feeling felt when Martin saw Sergio at his door one August afternoon.

Disgusted.Angry.Upset.

But cold. Bitter cold.

How can this man...no, this child, show his face after everything? Then blame his abilities on himself because he was in love with HIM. Telling HIM to leave the Argentine out of the Mint Heist and doing the most agonizing thing to a person. Seeing HIM in live-Tv...Died.

It’s been three years since then and no postcards from Sergio. No warning of his arrival. Sergio knows how to play dirty and knowing the taller man’s arrival is the last thing that Martin wanted. Martin, the broken man who wanted to scream and throw things at the taller man. How dare he come to his home. HOW. DARE. HIM. But there was no energy from the Argentine’s small and disgusting body.

Martin didn’t realize that the taller man cleared his throat loudly as he fixed his tie. “I Know You Don’t Want To See Me But We Need To Talk.” Gosh...What else does he need to tell Martin? That the love of his life died and he can move on from his brother’s lifeless hands? “ What do you want? A lecture?” Was the first sentence that the Argentine ever said to Sergio after their last talk. The taller man shakes his head and tilts his head upward to tell Martin to let him in. Martin signs and lets the unwelcome bastard in.

“It’s About One Of My Guys. He Was Kidnapped. I Need Your Plan To Get Him Out. I Wouldn’t Be Asking If I Wasn’t Desperate.” Said Sergio as he slowly looked around the depressing apartment. Martin wishes that he didn’t know what Sergio is talking about. He can pretend that he lost his mind and maybe, just maybe, he can be left alone without pests like Sergio. Martin knew in his heart that God wouldn’t be that kind to his rotten being. He felt defeated once again.

“Why are you asking me? Go AHEAD. Use the bloody plan.” The Argentine can feel his eyes started to water, not knowing why the bastard wanted his approval. The world loves to play games with him and its favourite game to play was to put things that would involve Andr-

“ Well...It Was Yours and Andres’s Plan. I Can’t Do It Without You. You are also a Host. “ Sergio speaking stopped Martin from going into a panic but Martin’s response to Sergio was to laugh. The taller man can not be serious because the same man who stands in front of him was the same one who kicked him out of the Mint heist. The same man who doubted his abilities because he was in love with Andres. Martin had to laugh even more because of the realization that Sergio becomes a hypocrite was iconic to the Argentine.

“ You can’t be serious. I am sorry but you wanted me gone before. But NOW?? YOU’RE KIDDING ME? You have NO right to come here to ask me about the plan.” Martin’s voice began to shake and he pulled his greasy hair back as he couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. Hold yourself he tells himself because breaking down in front of Sergio would be worse than death.

“ Do you have any idea about how I feel? About losing him and not being there? You didn’t want me there but now? You want me to find your little team members with the memory of Andres? Come on now.” Everything surrounding Martin started to crash, every wall and every object in the apartment warp into one. This reminded him of the time when he took acid for the first time when he was 18 but there was no high. Everything looked so ugly and frightening to his weakened mind. Warping and the rapid colour changing of the room made the Argentine submit to the abyss. He felt like he wasn’t in his own body and someone is controlling it. Martin couldn’t remember what he was saying to Sergio and why he was so close to the other man’s face. What was he saying again? He doesn’t know anymore.

“Martin…I-” It seemed like the taller man was about to explain himself or relate to his pain. Marin doesn’t have the energy to hear this unforgivable bastard, so he put out one of his hands up to Sergio to stop him. “ Don’t. I’ll help you but this doesn’t mean anything. I am doing this because I can’t trust you with it.” Martin said quietly as he looked hard at Sergio. The taller man had this worried look on his face and signed. He gives the Argentine a small nod of approval.

“ Great. Get Yourself Cleaned Up. You Look Gross..No Offense.”

-+-

The Monterey looked beautiful as always. It wasn’t his choice to pick the Monterey at first. It was Andres. Andres was always a fan of the arts and the Monterey was his beloved art. As Andres once said to him when he first showed Martin the Monterey; “ You cannot judge something that you have no understanding.”

Andres was right because the Argentine always thought it was weird that he and Andres had picked to live in the Monterey. None of them were religious so he didn’t get the point in living in a holy place. After the death of Andres and standing in front of it now, Martin can understand why Andres fall in love with it. This darkly Monterey gave him a sense of peace but also a sense of disturbance in the air. It's almost as someone is watching you. Thinking about it gives a chill down Martin’s spine. The Monterey looked so beautiful and knowing what was behind those doors made him upset. The pleasant feeling will disappear as quickly as it comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1- 4:00A.M by Taeko Onuki  
> Proofread by B <3
> 
> Anyways!  
> Tell me what yall think!  
> Angie


	2. Yokohoma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Martin meets the gang and his first thoughts about them  
> Also drama between Martin and Sergio??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter wasn't scheduled to come out until tomorrow. The reason is that I have a lot of school work this week and next week.  
> Chapter 3 might not come out until Sunday or next Wed. I hope yall understand. You think I can do my school work while doing this fanfic.  
> (sadly not :( )  
> wish me luck as I have two 5 pages essay due and another essay ( why?..for an eco course?)

_Crying in the rain, I’ve come here before, remember?_

_I spoke to an immovable ship and you scolded me._

_I decided to stay in this city on that day_

-+-

Meeting Sergio's fanatical horde was unsetting for the Argentine. It was almost like he entered Mars and met the local aliens. This wasn't Sergio's old critical ideas of what a gang of criminals who was about to break into a high alert facility was. This was a middle school field day trip; the people here beside Bogota and Marseille were too odd for his taste. Maybe he was judging them too harshly... He barely knew them but the first impression of them was setting him the wrong way. For example, Tokyo. He wanted to knock her out so fast because that unbearable bitch kept getting on his nerve, saying the most offensive shit at him.

Martín thought she was pretty cool when he first saw her but once she opened that mouth, he wanted to sucker punch her. He is well aware he shouldn’t hit a woman and he would never do that but if he could, Tokyo would be that exception. The next one was Denver. The kid was okay and Martín really did like him but the laugh. The stupid laugh, he wanted to shut Denver up and tell him to fix it. Again, he couldn’t hate someone for something they can’t control but what ticked him off was when Denver married one of the hostages from the Mint. 

ONE OF THE HOSTAGES. 

He doesn't know how Sergio allowed that when he was so against it when Martín was in the Mint plan and don’t even GET him started about Sergio's relationship with the Inspectora. He wanted to spoon his own eyes out when he found out because this proves the point that Sergio was a lying hypocrite and who only wanted to get Martín. The Argentine doesn't have the energy to go into a huge rant about Sergio and relationships at the moment, even though he is happy that the bastard is not a virgin anymore. About time if you asked Martín.

Anyways, Denver's wife, Stockholm, was soft to him when they first met in the classroom. The classroom was in the room where Martín last saw Andres, so he didn’t know how he was going to be able to control his feelings each time he went there. He believed that Stockholm noticed like any mother would because she sat next to him and asked him if he was okay. He rudely brushed her off, feeling a slight pang of guilt. However, he doesn't need another mother in his life to fill his mommy issues. If you asked Martín if he had any mommy or daddy issues, he would say no because why would a grown man like himself have one?

Nairobi was an interesting woman because she kinda reminded him of the girls he dated back in high school. This was before he finally accepted that he was gay. Those interesting vibes can do so much because she was so irritating. After the first classroom meeting, he was chatting up Helsinki, a fine tall Serbian man. Martín wanted Helsinki to rattle him up because he had this gut feeling that the Serbian had the biggest dick out there. He wanted to ride that dick as quickly as possible, but before he could ask the Serbian to come over to his room later, Nairobi popped out of nowhere and wrapped her fingers on Helsinki. She scared the living hell of Martín and almost tripped backwards. The Argentine wasn't a fool; he knew when he saw a straight girl pinning over a gay man and almost felt bad for her but no, Nairobi was too interesting for that.

“ You are gay too?” said the tall woman and her voice squeaked so high, it was almost unnatural. Martin gave her a small nod and wondered if Nairobi was also against him, just like Tokyo who made an offensive joke when she found out. Nairobi laughed awkwardly and said something bonding over men. The Argentine was no fool when someone didn't like him. At the time, he didn't know why Nairobi didn't like him but when he did, he understood. The Argentine wasn't good for the Serbian to be around with but he couldn’t help himself. Helsinki was stunning.

Martin would say something about Rio but the kid isn't here with them. Rio was still held hostage by the government. He feels bad for the kid because from what he heard, the kid was their hacker and he felt happy that there was someone who knows about tech. As an engineer, Martín held pride in his work and when he found someone like him, he couldn't help to go to them. Hacking is a bit different from engineering but the math, the calculations and the endless formulas are the same. Even if he thinks that the kid is smart, Rio is the stupidest person he ever met. How can Rio forget that there were people looking for them after two years? Martín understands that Rio missed his girlfriend but that excuse can’t even help even the loneliest man on Earth.

And speaking about the dumbass, Martín was in the middle of the heist's meeting and Sergio was in front of the classroom, reviewing the heist again to the rest of the team. Martín usually doesn't pay attention to the meeting because he was the one who made the plan with Andres or Berlin. The Argentine doesn’t know why Andres picked Berlin as his code name but there was no use being obsessed about it. Also, he hates hearing Sergio so he likes to shut Sergio out for a bit.

“ Palermo? What Do You Think?”

Shit. Maybe he overdid it today because he had no idea what Sergio was asking him now. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Uh what now, Professor? Speak up.” He blurred out and it wasn't a good response if he was going to be honest. People already think he was an ass but now they will think he is double the ass he was before. What a great save, Martín. Sergio put one of his hands on his forehand and signed deeply.

“I Asked If My Review Was Okay and I Didn’t Miss Anything. You Didn’t Need To Be Rude About It.” Sergio said frustratedly and Tokyo mumbled something from the back. Martín quickly flipped her off.

“ Yes, dearest professor. Everything is fine. I told you this for the past three weeks.” And that was true, Sergio would use one of their class meetings every week to go over the plan. Martín was fine with that because he had the chance to go over his calculations again, he was a perfectionist after all but he hated that Sergio kept asking him if he liked his damn reviews. It was annoying as the Argentine felt that Sergio wanted to get him mad. The chances that Martín was overreacting were high but his ego wouldn't let him doubt. He knows in his heart this plan will work somehow even if it was a bit rushed. Having Sergio giving him small talks like this made Martín sure that the taller man wanted the Argentine to doubt his own plan. He wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.

-+-

“Palermo? Can You Stay Back For A Minute?” Sergio said as he picked up a few papers from the desk. It was after the class and everyone was going back to their rooms or to the kitchen to make themself a meal. Martín wishes he was with the rest of his team members because he was starving and needed a nap.

Sergio wanted a chat with the Argentine and he wanted to say no but knowing the great beast that the taller man was, Martín knew he cannot back down now. Martín walks over to Sergio and clears his throat loudly to mark his presence. 

“ I Want To Talk To You About Your Attitude Lately.” as the taller man turned around to face Martin. What attitude is Sergio talking about? Sure, he can be a little rude at times, but he was a pleasant person. It feels like he is himself again, post-Andres era but he isn't too sure just yet. Three weeks can do so much for someone like him who grieved the dead for three years.

“Your Behavior Is Unacceptable. I Don't Know If You Are Still Grieving Or Whatever. I Want You To Stop. I Know Andres Wouldn’t-” Martín is baffled. He cannot believe what he was hearing. This is a joke, right? Unacceptable? What was in his behaviour was unacceptable? He was able to move on from the grieving state he was in three weeks ago was not okay? Did this fucker want him to move on?

“Stop talking.”

“Martín, You Don’t Undr-”

“ I SAID STOP TALKING.” the Argentine screamed. This has to be a huge prank on him. He fought the urge to laugh. The biggest joke of the decade or even the whole ass century. Sergio did not just say that Martín Berrote was still grieving over a dead person. He was but now he wasn't. He is learning how to let Andres go as the Argentine knows that the Spaniard wouldn’t come back to him. He knows now so he can't believe that Sergio is standing there and saying bullshit to him.

‘Please. Don't come here and say bullshit to me, okay? I REALLY don't want to hear your pity comments right now, Sergio.” said the stressed-out Martín and left Sergio alone in the classroom. He needed something to stop the panic that was slowly coming up to his body. Maybe a good fuck would do the trick. Helsinki wouldn’t say no if he asked him…

No, No, No

Helsinki doesn’t deserve that. The Serbian was too good for him. Way too good and Martín doesn't deserve a man like Helsinki. The Argentine knows that the Serbian wouldn’t mind as this already happened before. A scared and panicked Martín entering Heisinki’s room and asking the sweet Serbian to give him a good old fuck. Later, crying in the arms of that said sweet Serbian man until morning. Martín would love to be there right now but he doesn’t deserve it. He walked toward his room and decided to take the most depressing nap ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yokohoma by Hako Yamasaki  
> Hope yall like it!  
> Proofread by B


	3. What if things were different? I wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knock, Knock
> 
> The gang's "deceased " friend want to say hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I am back! sorry about that!  
> This chapter was a little stressful as I didn't know how to write it!  
> Hope you guys like it!

_Do I desperately take my life into your hands_

_Only to be deceived by you again?_

_I will forget, 'cause it's an ended love_

_I won't open, 'cause it's the door of misfortune_

_What should I do?_

-+-

Everyone talks about the afterlife.

This **_obsession._ **

Do we remember who we were when we died? What about our loved ones or our past lives? People around the world have hundreds of theories about the afterlife and Martin just wanted to throw up. Don’t think that Martín isn’t a believer, he was, but after Andres’s death, He stopped believing. Believing in an afterlife could give him hope that he would be able to see his friend when he dies. It was the same thing with reincarnation but much worse. The Argentine doesn’t want any more hope that Andre would be thinking about him in the afterlife or they would be reincarnated together. Martín wasted thirteen years of his life pinning and crying over a man who could not love him.

THIRTEEN YEARS.

Every LGBTQ+ person on this Earth would be laughing their ass off because why waste your time with a straight man. A straight man would only break your heart after loving them and Martín was well aware. It was the day after his fight with Sergio and Martín couldn't look at him all morning. It wasn’t because Martín felt guilty, but it was the lack of motivation. The Argentine wishes he can prove to the taller man that he wasn't the same guy than before. Show this jerk that he is learning to live without Andres. Martín was trying to show the taller man that for three weeks but he thinks that Sergio doesn't want to notice that. Was he not enough? 

Martín lifts his legs and plots them on the desk. He led back on his chair and slowly to rock himself in boredom. The class hasn't started yet and Martín knows he wasn’t early. He was in fact very late and Sergio wasn't there to yell at him. Have the taller man really ditch the plan because Martín wouldn’t be surprised but his girlfriend, Raquel, was still here so maybe the taller man hasn’t. He can feel the nervousness from the gang, especially Raquel. The brunette wanted to comfort her but he stopped himself. His mouth stopped him to show his softer side to the women. He said something along the line “ Did he finally ditch? Thank god.” He doesn’t even remember what he said but he does remember that the gang started to yell at him and throw papers at him. 

He doesn’t have any idea why he couldn't be “nicer” to the gang as he doesn’t think they were all evil ...except Tokyo

There were two people who knew that he wasn't like that but he kinda wished they didn’t know too. 

-+-

It took another twenty minutes before Sergio came running in the class. Martín was chatting with Helsinki when the taller man entered and no, the Argentine wasn’t hitting on the Serbian. Their relationship has been changing since the first week of arriving. The brunette felt comfortable with the Serbian man and decided that he didn't want to hurt Helsinki anymore. 

Sergio had the worst timing ever because Helsinki was telling Martín about his cousin, Osls and their childhood before he entered. Sergio looked off today, his hair was not combed, his shirt was wrinkled and he looked like he was about to cry.

Martín had this gut feeling that something bad happened to the taller man and would ask what happened but Tokyo was first to speak up.

“Oh. Don’t Worry About It For Now. We Need To Finish Class First Before I Can Show You.” Sergio said quickly without looking at Tokyo’s eyes.

Everyone felt that the Professor saw something and didn't want to tell the rest of them. What could be it? They are not children so they would be able to handle it but knowing their leader, He wouldn’t budge. For the next thirty minutes even though it felt much longer than that, Everyone tried to act normal around Sergio. Even Tokyo wasn’t joking around and that was rare for her to do.

This was serious.

Whatever Sergio was hiding, Everyone was on the edge.

The topic wasn't brought up again until an hour before dinner time. 

Sergio went around looking for them and brought them all back to the Garden.

Martín was in the kitchen with Nairobi. It was Stockholm’s turn to cook but Cincinnati wouldn’t stop crying for his mother so Martin decided to take over. Martín wasn’t the greatest cook like Andres was but he can make a mean Milanese chicken. Nairobi decided to help the Argentine after Tokyo made a sexist joke. Having Nairobi’s present and having a light conversation made his mind in ease. Not knowing this would be the last time he would feel this way before the storm hits.

Sergio cleared his throat loudly and startled Martin and Nairobi from their focus.

“Meet Me In The Garden Now. It Is Important.” the taller man said in one go. 

Martin signed and turned to Sergio.

“Uh. I don’t want to. Middle of something. Can’t you see? “He pointed at the steaming pot. Sergio looked at Martín hardly and mouthed some threats at Martin and Nairobi. The two gang members dropped and turned off everything in the Kitchen. He hated that Sergio wouldn’t wait until he was finished with dinner to bring everyone in the garden. So if anyone in the gang asked why dinner wasn’t done, he is going to blame Sergio.

Sergio can fuck himself but this time, the Argentine wouldn’t say that because he was kinda curious on why the taller man was a mess this whole day.

They did say curiosity killed the cat; Martín thought as he walked besides Nairobi to the garden. Whatever Sergio needed to tell them was going to be bad for Martín only. God dislikes him so why would it be positive news for him? If Sergio was about to tell him that he found a new engineer, he was pretty sure he would lose it.

It took everyone about five minutes to gather around the garden and Sergio was in the middle, looking slightly nervous. Tokyo and Denver talked over each other when asking why Sergio brought them here. Tokyo was kinda ranting off about how she was doing something “Important” and this meeting should be good. The brunette doesn’t want to know what she meant by that and nodded his head in agreement. 

Why now? He could have told them during class today or do this after dinner?

The taller man slowly scanned the grounds and took the deepest breath ever. 

“ Before I Tell You Guys, I Want You To Know That I Just Found About This. So I Have No Involvement Towards This.” 

What involvement? What is even Sergio even saying? Looking around, he knew he wasn’t the only one confused. Before Sergio could open his mouth again, A familiar golden like voice appeared from the darkness. 

“ _When you say that, Hermano. You make it seem like I am a bad thing?_ “ It was like a pin being dropped from an empty room. Only knowing its echo but not knowing where it landed. Using your hands and feet to guide you to the cold floor, wanting to find the pin. You knew nothing before the pin was dropped. Life was blessed and native, just like a child. Soon comes the pain when found

It hurts. So badly.

You just want to die right after.

The screams filled Martín’s ears when the haunting voice appeared back from the dead. Everyone gathered around and started hugging...Andres. This crooked man cannot be his Andres. His eyes and mind have to be playing tricks because the dead can not return to the living but yet, he looks just like him.

His hair, his sharp eyes and god, that sinner smile.

Every. Single. Things.

Don’t be a fool, Martín! This man is an imposter, why can’t anyone see that?

THIS IS NOT ANDRES. THIS IS NOT ANDRES. THIS IS NOT ANDRES. THIS. IS...not...Andres.

“ _Mi Querido Ingeniero_.”

The devil speaks. Martín can feel eyes on him but he couldn't tell. His eyes wouldn’t leave Andres‘ face and chills run down his spine when Andres walks toward the brunette. Every thought and emotions run through his body and his heart screaming in joy for his friend’s arrival. Shut it down, his mind yelled over his heart’s cries. Martin knows that his friend’s arrival isn’t a gift from god. 

This is hell.

Before he knew it, Andres was in front of him and was about to reach for his face. To caress him into loyalty, that would only break Martín’s mind and soul. Martín pulled back before the Spaniard’s hands touched his face. Andres looked hurt by Martin’s actions but this was for the best for the Argentine. 

“ Hey. Got tired of playing dead? Very like you. “ Martín pulled a fake smile and slightly patted Andres’s shoulder. 

It's better to stay away because Martin knows he would fall right back in the Spaniard’s arms again. It would be nice but it would kill him. A fatal death with no return. 

-+-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ame no yoru no anata wa ( What if things were different? I wonder ) by Meiko Kaji
> 
> et me know what yall think!
> 
> proofread by B.


End file.
